As a car driver, I suck… Wait. No, I have excellent driving a car skills. It’s the staying awake part I suck at and on way too many lollipops. I’m not talking about the short, car drives into town to pick up random stuff I don’t really need at Wal-mart, but rather, the thirty minute or more drives that have me sitting behind the wheel that makes me feel so sleepy that I fear one day this condition will do me in.
I do not know exactly when this condition became so prominent because it was not that way when I first learned to drive a billion years ago. You see, I was the normal teenager who could not wait for someone to hand me the car keys so I could drive. Distance was never an issue. I could, if anyone let me, drive the family around the world–if only the oceans got out of my way– with probably just a few stops here and there only to refuel and allow my passengers to use the restroom and stretch their legs, but as for me, the driver, I would never need a thing from these rest stops. Not one thing from the snack shop or dirty restrooms!
Back then, driving was the sweetest legal high I knew and I became addicted to endless driving and I did so without the need for any power energy drinks, gallons of black coffee refills or bags of lollipop suckers to stay awake behind the wheel!
However, just as cars and roads change so did my ability to endlessly drive for miles without feeling a bit fatigued. Now, I am a complete mess when it comes to long distant driving. If you see me driving down the road and my car is veering erratically, please, beep your horn loudly at me to wake me up!
My car is not to blame either, seeing it’s a fine car equipped with surround sounds from the radio and every favorite station is preset for easy, on the spot change when that awful lame song with the lame lyrics comes on and I don’t want to waste any awesome karaoke skills singing to it. Maybe I can blame the perfectly controlled in-car temperature, set at around 78 degrees and during a cold winter’s drive, the built-in seat warmer takes the edge off any discomfort I may have as I sit comfortably on the luxurious leather interior seats? Or how about placing the blame on the Tahitian Island air freshener dangling in front of my nose to make me think I’m on an island vacation spot, even though I’m really sitting and
driving my car sleeping while attempting to drive my car?
I really hope to find a remedy for this dangerously annoying driving sleepiness before something awful comes about like here lies this driver who, in her old age grew out of her sweet addiction for the love of endless driving and the only legacy she leaves behind is her wrecked car littered with bags of empty lollipop wrappers in which she tried to suck out all her sleepiness but failed. Totally.
Note to self: buy more bags of lollipops
Are you guilty of sleeping behind the wheel while driving?